Don’t let email trolls ruin your day - our top tips for dealing with angry emails

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The day begins as any other day.  You go to work full of positive energy – maybe it’s genuine, or maybe it’s forced.  It doesn’t really matter.  You tell yourself, “Today is going to go my way!”

And then it arrives.  That nasty, angry email in your inbox. You know the one, that one person that always has to be complaining about something.  Or demanding something. And throwing everything they’ve got at you just to make sure you understand how important they are.

Your primal fight or flight instincts begin to kick in.  This person is a threat to your wellbeing.  You feel your body heat up, your pulse quicken. You want to tell them off with everything you have, but you also need to keep your job.  You fear the repercussions of saying what you really want.  You can’t focus. Your day is completely derailed. You just want it to go away and go home.

So much for today going your way.

But what if I told you that it still can?  What if I gave you permission to value your own peace of mind more than that person’s need to feel important?  Well, it’s possible.

Here’s how!

Does this really warrant a response?

The very first question you need to ask yourself is, does this message require a response at all?  Is it completely uninvited feedback on something that is of no fault of yours or the company that you represent?

If it’s obvious that the other person is just venting with no real issue to be solved, let it go.  The extent to which you can “let it go” will of course depend on your relationship with this person and your company’s policies.

So, perhaps letting it go can mean literally trashing the email without a response.  Or, it may mean sending a quick “Thank you for your feedback. We’ll take this into consideration.” 

The end.

Don’t waste your time explaining anything that will likely fall on deaf ears anyway.

Write your response right away, but don’t send it

But what about the emails that do warrant a response?  What if they are related to a legitimate issue that needs to be solved?  What now?

If the message needs a response, then respond.  Immediately.  Just don’t hit send yet!

Your brain is on high alert, and it won’t be able to relax until it deals with the threat at hand. So drop everything and deal with it.  This will let you process all of those thoughts and emotions and get them out of your body so they don’t sit with you any longer than they have to.

But again, don’t send it right away.  The reason for this is two-fold.

The first is, by the time you send it you will likely have had some time to cool down.  You can then proofread your message and make any final tweaks with a clear mind.  This will keep you from sending something that you may truly regret later!

And second, the faster you send a response the faster you invite them to respond.  Instead, waiting a bit will pace any potential replies.  This gives you both some breathing room so that things are less likely to escalate out of hand. 

Respond in the tone you wish to receive

This is probably the most difficult to achieve, but it’s so worth it! 

No matter how right you are, or they are for that matter, expressing that with a negative tone can immediately make you wrong.  And, it invites them to continue responding with negativity. 

Break the cycle. Let the negativity end with you. Kill it with kindness, if you will.

The best way to do this is to break apart their email and pull out just the facts, without their opinions attached. What is the core issue?  What caused the problem?  What is the solution?

“The best way to do this is to break apart their email and pull out just the facts, without their opinions attached. What is the core issue?  What caused the problem?  What is the solution?”

Now, address each of those things fresh in the tone that you wish to continue communicating in.  Imagine that those questions had been posed to you with kindness and respect, and respond as such.  Did you or the company truly make a mistake?  Own up to it and apologize if that feels right. Then move on with the solution. That’s what’s truly important here. 

Resolving the issue while keeping your peace of mind is always more important than proving that they were in the wrong. 

This may be difficult at first, but with time it gets easier.  Remember that 99% of the time those negative emails aren’t personal.  They’re more a reflection of the sender than of you, the receiver.  As you learn this to be true in your heart, they’ll bother you less and less.  They don’t have to set the tone for the rest of your day.  You’re the only one with that power! 

Now, own your power and go about having that great day of yours.